Review: Rampage

“Video game movies... a history littered with failures and missteps... but hey, not many films have the ability to fit in a giant crocodile and a giant flying wolf”

If you came out of seeing Rampage and you thought it was completely horrible, because it was stupid, I might inquire what you were doing walking into the cinema in the first place. Nothing about this film was suggesting anything other than what it delivered in terms of its academic achievements. However, if you saw the trailers and went in expecting a very cheesy but fun action film, well you should have walked out with plenty of itches scratched in the action department, and certainly you will have consumed enough cheese to keep you from craving Mexican food any time soon. However, like all tasty cheese dishes, you will also feel a little bit short changed by the movie overall, as the quick hits of sugar can't completely mask the lack of nutrients in this dish.

The Rock tries to calm the critics down whilst George thinks about his place in the film as the best actor.

Yes, the wolf flies. Of course it does.

Rampage doesn't try to be a smart action movie, however, the problem is, it doesn't really try very hard to be a good silly movie either. Many moments in the film feel like the writers had a limited time to write the scene and then fell asleep only to wake up with just 10 minutes left to frantically finish it off.

The writers were desperately searching for a great one liner, The Rock's own "hasta la vista, baby". But whilst the Rock has forged a solid career in the wake of Schwarzenegger's aging decline, he is yet to really deliver the memorable cheesy one liners that Arnold can do effortlessly, even in his lesser films. And this is a lesser Rock film. The one liners are very poorly timed and none of them really work. The only times I laughed, was at the movie, not with the movie.

But it wasn't all bad... there was enough to just make it worth the trip to the cinema.

The best aspect was George, the gorilla. The CGI on George is pretty darn good (most of the time) and whilst a lot of the character development between George and The Rock's Davis Okoye is fairly bland and slightly forced, the Gorilla conveys enough realistic emotion that you can't help but feel for his character and not want harm to come of him. The fact that the CGI gorilla is probably the best acting performance in the film doesn't say a lot though.

If it doesn't bleed, we can't kill it...

Dwayne Johnson is fine, as like Schwarzenegger, he has just enough screen presence and charm to overcome any acting shortfalls. He is fun to watch and he deserves better material than this (Black Adam maybe!).

The Rock continually looks at Jeffery Dean Morgan as if he's wondering 'What the hell are you doing?'

Jeffery Dean Morgan chews more screen time than the giant crocodile. Morgan is not pretending to take this seriously. He has an absolute ball playing a wild cowboy FBI agent. He doesn't quite pull it off, mainly due to his characters relatively pointlessness within the plot, but damn it, Morgan is going to try. You can't help but watch the man (see what I did there?) and hope that he one day dawns the cowl as Thomas Wayne's Flashpoint Batman. This performance is not going to knock the Comedian from my mind when I see him on the screen.

The animals are pretty good, especially the Crocodile. Whilst the logic wasn't used often, the Croc looked great, especially when it first bursts out of the river and onto the streets of Chicago.

Yeah, this doesn't end well for Deadshot.

For every good thing, there are bad things, and there's probably more bad things than good. Character wise, the two villains are a disaster. I think they were trying to make them really annoying characters, but it just lessens the film when you have such terrible villains. Malin Akerman, so good in Watchmen, is awful here. Her character is supposed to be the mastermind of this whole monster making endeavour, but at no stage does she come across as capable of organising anything technical or intelligent. Her brother, played by Jake Lacy is even worse. And why is he eating in every scene? Why is out of breath?

Wondering why I haven't mentioned Naomie Harris' role or performance? There's a reason for that.

Lacy's characters demise is not satisfying at all. Whilst it’s a little unexpected, it doesn't at all feel like the ending we'd expect after being so infuriated by his presence in the film. It's like spending 5 minutes chasing a fly with a fly swatter only to have it fly out the window. Yes, its gone, but not quite in the way that would have satisfied you for your effort...

Another character's death is a major plot point, yet the way its done doesn't fit with the behaviour of George in any part of the film. It was noticeably lazy writing in a film that was chock full of lazy writing.

The Rock: "Naomi, if we stay down, maybe some of the shit won't stick on our careers. I mean, I'll be okay, but you could really be in trouble after this one"

Overall, worth a look on the big screen, just because a lot of the effects are pretty good and the action is worth a look. But you have to check your brain at the door, buy too much popcorn, and enjoy a B grade film that whilst enjoyable in parts, has not helped change the historical standpoint of computer game based movies.

Another critic coming for a Warner Bros film.

The five bearded questions:

1. Was it worth a cinema trip? Just...

2. Would I See It Again at the Cinema?  No

3. Would I buy it on Blu-ray: (only films I really love get bought these days) No

4. Do I Recommend people see it? Only if you like dumb action movies and understand what you're in for.

5. Any cheese/ Disney style bullshit?: (such as jokes wedged in at serious moments, because fun!). Yes.